I WORRY about climate change, I really do.
It’s a problem that often niggles away at me as I lie in bed trying to get to sleep. It was during one of these rather prolonged bouts of doubt and fear that the answer hit me. Yes, just like a thunderbolt it was.
Ever since Palmers (the, sadly, apostropheless brewers in our town) have stopped churning out the barrels of Bridport Bitter (our dear old friend BB) the summers have got absolutely lousy.
True we have had some nice springs and the recent glorious autumn heat wave but July and August have been wet, cold and miserable and the winters freezing. The fault, the whole fault and nothing but the fault can be placed fair and square at the door of the medicine makers at the top of West Bay Road.
'Medicine makers': Palmers Brewery, Bridport. Photograph by Stephen Wlliams, reused under Creative Commons Licence.
Why would they want to do that to us? With one slash of a pen they not only took away a nice drop of wallop but they condemned the whole nation of dreary summers. The dates of the two events match exactly so there’s wriggling out of their responsibilities.
They didn’t stop there.
Far from it. Not content with one act of sheer vandalism they set about creating absolute mayhem in the Middle East by renaming IPA Best bitter. Think about and you will see the absolute connection between that act of wanton distortion and the present troubles the world faces. Once again the dates prove it conclusively.
I had always thought of them as rather benign providers of the essentials of life. No, they seem to be hell-bent on bringing the world, as we know it, to its knees.
Enough is enough, I say. Come on Palmers, leave our beers alone. Let the world enjoy decent weather for a change and stick to doing what you do best, we would all really appreciate it.
Editor’s Note: The Red Bladder is a former national newspaper journalist (broadsheet and tabloid, since you ask). He also lurks at http://theredbladder.blogspot.com/
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